Betrayal

Wow, what a month I’ve had.
Where do I even start? I’ve found myself in such a huge mess all because I put my trust and love into a person. Mistakes mistakes!

Let me break it down.
A month ago, I had plans. I’d just been accepted into a Bachelor of Science (high five!), was about to move into a new house in the city with my partner, had a steady job which was coming to an end because of said move, and for a small moment I was so excited, I was so content and I couldn’t wait to start a new life.
And then my boyfriend left his Facebook profile wide open on my computer, and like an idiot, I didn’t notice, went to message someone (thinking it was my account) and saw several things I wish I’d never seen.
The story with me and my partner is we were dating for three years, things were great, then randomly… He broke it off, fell into a massive depression, tried to kill himself and just went full retard (believe me, this was the best description I could come up with). Meanwhile, I was completely devastated, crying like a moron, not eating for two weeks straight because the anxiety and heart break was too much. I loved the guy, with all my heart, he’d been my everything.

After two months apart, he decided he’d go on antidepressants, and hey presto: he was better for a while. We rekindled, got back together and things were better than they’d ever been. He was a changed person, he was so much better and so much more affectionate, he’d prioritise properly, he’d not get drunk and he’d help me with everything and anything. I was so happy, once again. This went on for another two years, until the Facebook shit happened.

So here’s what happened.

It turns out, my partner had been sleeping with a girl I used to be best friends with, and who coincidentally ditched me when he broke up with him, and started hanging around his house and making a public display of their ‘friendship’. He knew full well how much trouble this girl had caused for me in the past, and he’d always despised her, always mentioned how unattractive he thought she was and how ugly her personality was too. Id known she was a bad person, but I’m a pacifist, I didn’t want to be on anyone’s bad side and I certainly don’t like to hold grudges. Anyway, the point is, he lied about it, and he really couldn’t have slept with someone worse. If it were anyone else, I would not care. It just had to be her.

The night I found out, I dumped him on the spot. How could he do that, how could he go sleep with someone while I cried and cried? And it’s not like we weren’t talking when we split. He always rang me, crying and drunk, id always support him emotionally.

I feel totally ripped apart right now and I don’t know what to do. My plans to move to the city have been cancelled, I had to defer my science degree, my job is ending and the guy I love is proving to be a totally dishonest idiot who keeps fucking up again and again with me. I wish so badly I could forgive him and we could have what we had a month ago, before I found out. I want my boyfriend back, not this person I know now who broke my heart and lied to me, who slept with the one person on the planet he really shouldn’t have slept with, again and again.

How do I overcome this? Is it even worth it? Should I even bother trying? I feel stuck. I feel like if I don’t try to recover and get over it, I’ll have no one to move with and my plans will totally crumble. I also still love him, he’s a fucking moron but I still love the guy. He’s trying really hard to make things right, rather than just running with his tail between his legs. I suppose that’s something, right?

I saw a future with this guy, I would have married the fool if he’d asked me to, and he always mentioned it to me, he always talked about our future together. It’s sad really, looking back at what I had. What’s a relationship without trust? As pathetic as I sound, I’m just heartbroken, I know I am a genuinely good person and I just wish things could be easier. Anyone out there have any advice for little old me? I’m quite stuck and super indecisive.

-Cherriibomb

Ps. Just like a psychic freak, he just messaged me saying ‘goodnight, I love you’

BAH.